Citing work clearly above and beyond the call of duty (and the bounds of ethics), the cartel today proudly announced the induction of the below team members to their Cartel Hall of Fame. Later today, each will be presented with a plaque engraved with the comment or event that helped elevate them into this elite group in a ceremony led by one of the inductees himself, Steve Applerot.
The inductees are as follows:
FatHead “when I said killing I meant to say suicide” DaBreezy
Linda “hey, I’ve got an even better idea. Let’s drive Rambus away completely” Turnover
Bert “for a $1.50 I’ll write anything up to and including complete lies” McBrush
Mike “please stop calling me a LSOS” Saddleback
Willi “one day all computers will have to be built like this so we better start stealing the IP ASAP” Meijer
Steve “for $500 million I’ll build you 10 RDRAM fabs! (and shutter them all)” Applerot
Dozens of others were given honorable mention “The only place to hide from a subpoena is outer space” coffee mugs and were given papers notifying them of their immediate reassignments to the new branch office.
The inductions were no surprise to those familiar with the industry, but what caught many off guard was the simultaneous announcement that the inductees were being promoted and reassigned to the new cartel branch office which will be located “somewhere near the International Space Station”.
Philip Witmore Jackdaniels, new cartel head of the Permanent Extraterrestrial Relocation department, shared details regarding the new office. “We have always been proud of our frontline leaders who have helped foster an environment where leading edge technology could be strategically acquired and felt it was time to demonstrate just how grateful we are. And what better way to express that gratitude and at the same time show the world our cutting edge technology than by sending our best and brightest into space in a ship of our own design. We are confident the on-board Commodore 64 computer that is bungied to an empty potato crate and crock full of our latest IP, will serve them well. And a special thanks goes out to our local Cub Scout Troop 789 who donated 20 hours to construct the fuselage and Tom’s Hardware for a generous donation of chipboard and recycled deck screws to make the whole project possible. Oh, and I almost forgot the anonymous donation of 2 tons of C4 (you wouldn’t believe how many offers we had to donate this item) which will be packaged in the side mounted rockets and put the hall of famers right where HQ wants them.”
A launch date has yet to be confirmed, but Mr. Jackdaniels noted that it will definitely take place before September 28, 2009.
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