USPTO Rejects Rambus Patents and Warns the Public "There's more where that came from!"

(RFP 6/02/09)


In yet another bizarre 1-in-a-trillion coincidence, the USPTO announced today that they were rejecting a handful of Rambus patents the day after Judge Kramer informed the cartel that 'there ain't no stoppin' this train' and warned them to be ready for what promises to be a painful trial. The Judge also advised cartel lawyers that the proceedings would be held on the 36th floor of the new courthouse which is conveniently located directly next to the broken glass and rusty needle open-air museum.

While professing their undying devotion to the principles of fairness and patent protect, the USPTO followed up their rejection announcement with a letter written in goat's blood warning of the strong possibility of additional rejections and other action against Rambus up to and including releasing one rejected patent claim per day for the next 100 days.

"We have nothing against Rambus, but feel compelled to keep them on their toes. They are the only ones left in the industry coming up with any good ideas and that just doesn't seem right", an anonymous source at the USPTO was quoted as saying.

A FedEx employee, also speaking in anonymity, confirmed that plans for a giant catapult capable of launching car sized spit balls had been delivered to the USPTO recently. Coupled with the delivery of 1,600 "The Only Good Rambus is a Dead Rambus" t-shirts and whoopie cushions last week, some are mildly concerned that the office may not be as impartial as they claim to be.